Into the Slime
by Wannabe-Pilot
Summary: A bit of a project for an English class, I had to insert myself into a book and so I chose Thud. Angua and Sally recieve a bit of a shock when someone decides to drop in on them while they are under the Streets of Ank Morpork.


Thud

Fingers crossed, I took a deep breath and stepped into the ramshackle plywood cabinet. So focused on trying to get to the right page that I completely failed to notice the rough wood of the box fade away into a murky darkness. Suddenly a vile odour assaulted my nostrils and I was confronted with the feeling of unpleasantly wet feet. Looking down I saw my shoes being slowly engulfed by an ever-rising stream of green slime. "Oh no," I thought, "I'm in the wrong spot. I didn't get in to the right book"

By overcoming my panic and listening closely I was able to discern a pair of female voices, somewhere off to my right. Stumbling along, cursing the path of evolution that had not seen fit to give humans night vision, I stepped over some crumbling bricks that had once made up one of the walls of a cellar. The darkness promptly disappeared while the ceiling, for want of a better word, was carpeted by strangely glowing grubs. The sound of voices was replaced by splashing and I was suddenly bowled over by what appeared to be two swamp monsters, heavily coated in the local green ooze. A hand reached towards me and grabbed the back of my collar, yanking me to my feet.

"Who are you?" Three voices asked in unison.

The taller of the two swamp monsters looked over its shoulder and then back at me. "Never mind. Lance-constable, just grab it and run." With that I was unceremoniously scooped up and carried down the nearest tunnel. Realization slowly dawned on me and I was flooded with a mix of excitement and relief. I was in the right place after all.

"Umm… You wouldn't happen to be Lance-Constable Sally Von Humpeding, would you?" I asked the figure that had me slung over their shoulder. That earned me a look of startled surprise as I was dropped once again into a puddle of muck.

"How do you know?" replied the figure now known as Sally.

"It's kind of complicated." I sighed, picking myself out of the puddle. "Maybe Sergeant Angua should hear this too." The other figure turned around at hearing her name and gave me a look that suggested if she didn't like what she was about to hear, I wouldn't like it very much either. The presence of Sergeant Angua—one of the only vegetarian werewolves around— had a marked effect on the part of the brain that did not want to be eaten. A sudden increase in the turgid flow of slime forced us onward. I tried to give a brief explanation of the cabinet I had climbed into—and a certain collection of books back home—as we were splashing through the mud. The general consensus was that we should get out of the tunnels and the ever-rising tide of mud and worry about me later. Our rather mismatched trio continued onward through the maze that was underground Ank-Morpork aided by the vampire strength of Sally, who simply punched through any opposing walls. Finally we ended up in a cellar that seemed relatively well used.

"Awesome!" I said excitedly. "The Pink PussyCat Club. I get to meet Nobby!" If I thought they had looked at me strange when I said I was from another world, this earned me an even stranger look. Nobby, who could only be described as a man because any other race would be insulted by his inclusion, may not have been every one's idea of amazing but he certainly fit my definition. "I like Nobby", was my rather weak defense.

"Wait till you smell him", Angua muttered under her breath. Then she looked up and her face paled. "Oh gods, I can smell him. Nobby Nobbs."

Suddenly with a pop I was shot back to the cabinet and rolled out the door with a thud, the book following shortly after and smacking me in the forehead. Cautiously I flipped to the appropriate page and resumed my reading.

"'What was that?' Sally asked indignantly.

'Oh probably something to do with anthropomorphic instability and the Trousers of Time.' snapped Angua, 'we have more important matters right now. Nobby is up there and we are wearing only slime!'"

Sitting back in my chair I laughed, long and hard. Then I went back to reading, still a part of the book but choosing to be a bystander, for the time being.


End file.
